Monday, November 16, 2009

Samples from Aion

My job was to rewrite the original translated text into a much better final version. We were given full license to rewrite everything and even change the fundamental plot of quests if need be, but we couldn’t change the art and programming assets. In this series of quests, the player’s working with the Protector of the Aetheric Field Observatory, who’s died and become a ghost, but doesn’t let a little thing like that get her down. Original text is included for comparison. Note that in the original, the player character doesn’t say anything in response, the response options are either “continue listening” or “end dialog.”

© 2009 NC Interactive, Inc. All rights reserved. Writing samples, trademarks and copyrights used with permission of NCsoft Corporation.

Gwendolin: Well, we'd better get to work killing the Balaur. Death's no excuse for slacking off.
(original: Although my body is gone and only my soul remains, I have a firm goal. It is to kill all the Balaurs who invaded into Beluslan and turn the Aetheric Field Observatory into its previous condition. I cannot kill them by myself, but I will never go back to the flow of Aether until the day comes.)

PC: "How does a ghost fight, exactly?"

Gwendolin:Good question. Being an insubstantial shadow cast o'er the mortal world--the trappings of my previous existence close at hand yet forever out of reach--doesn't do much good in a fight. Maybe you could kill them instead of me?
(original: Balaurs destroyed Aetheric Field Observatory and built their camp right under it. Now people all call it Bakarma Legion Garrison. In order to defeat them, we should get rid of 47th Draconute Elite Infantrymans and weaken their military power. Will you do this mission for me, ?)

PC: (Accept quest/decline quest)

Gwendolin: Go to the Bakarma Barracks down there and take out those lizards. You should probably take somebody with you--they're pretty strong. I wish I could help but, you know...ghost.
(original: Then please go to the Bakarma Legion Garrison and defeat 47th Draconute Elite Infantrymans right now. They are not that strong individually. But since you are going to the garrison of the Balaur, you would need companions. May the protection of Aspel be with you.)

PC: "I know."
(goes and kills Balaur and comes back)

Gwendolin: Some Balaur came by to loot the ruins and all I could do was wail and moan at them to scare them off. It's embarassing and undignified!
(original: Remaining as a soul makes you really helpless. When I see Balaurs roaming around the Aetheric Field Observatory, I cannot even drive them out let alone killing them. Did you defeat the 47th Draconute Elite Infantrymen as I asked?)

PC: "I took care of the Balaur."

Gwendolin: Good work. I wish I could've been there fighting alongside you.
(original: Since you, , killed the 47th Draconute Elite Infantrymen, the military power of the Bakarma Legion must have been weakened. Though, it might take much more time to defeat them all. Anyway, you did a great job of going to the Balaur garrison and completing the mission.)

(next quest)

Gwendolin: So it turns out that being an insubstantial spectre doomed to walk the earth 'til I find some modicum of peace to soothe my troubled soul actually has some upsides. For one thing, it's totally easy to spy on the Balaur.

PC: "Found out anything interesting?"

Gwendolin: I found some strange eggs. I've never heard of the Balaur laying eggs before, and it's not really something I like to think about. Whatever's going to hatch from them, though, it can't be good. Could you help me take care of them? I haven't worked out how to pick things up yet.

PC: (accept/decline)

Gwendolin: We should study them and find out what's inside. Bring them back to me. Be careful not to break them!

PC: "I will..."
(goes and collects eggs, returns)

Gwendolin: Did you bring the eggs?

PC: "Here."

Gwendolin: Just drop them off here. The next time you're in the Fortress, could you tell somebody to come pick up the eggs so they can take them back and study them? I realized I can't write a letter any more. And the mailbox is destroyed anyway, so I'm not even sure anybody'd stop by to pick it up.

(next quest)

Gwendolin: You're back...have you come to help me kill some more Balaur? It's getting really frustrating, not being able to feel their blood on my claws.

PC: "I might be in the mood to kill some."

Gwendolin: I think we should focus on the Drakes. Now, I'm not just saying that because one of those things killed and ate me. They're nasty little brutes, and the sooner they're all dead like me, the better.

PC: (accept/decline)

Gwendolin: Go after those drakes. They travel in packs, so be careful. Take your friends. You don't want to end up like me.

PC: "I'm sure I won't."
(kills drakes and returns)

Gwendolin: You're back! It's really good to see you! Did you kill those Drakes?

PC: "Yeah. You got your revenge now, right?"

Gwendolin: Yeah, revenge feels sweet. Real sweet. Almost reminds me of being alive...

(next quest)

Gwendolin: I'm not going! Say whatever you like, but I'm staying here! That yawning emptiness...nothingness...no! Never! Never rest!

PC: "Who are you talking to?"

Gwendolin: Oh! It's you! I was...nevermind. I think we need to focus on the Balaur right now. We should study some of their weapons, try and figure out how they make them. They sure are weird-looking, huh? You want to go out there and get some samples?

PC: (accept/decline)

Gwendolin: Bring a bunch of different Balaur swords, staffs, and bows. You can get them from (various specific monsters). You'd better take your friends again. It'd be hard for you to carry back twenty-eight weapons all by yourself.

PC: "Did you say twenty-eight?"
(goes and kills Balaur, brings back 28 weapons of assorted types)

Gwendolin: Do you have the weapons?

PC: "Take a look at these."

Gwendolin: Good work. I'll see what I can figure out from these. It'll help take my mind off the...nevermind.

(next quest)

Gwendolin: Can you hear it? That buzzing? That high-pitched whine cutting through my soul like a hot knife?

PC: "No..."

Gwendolin: There's something about the Nagas, I guess...something...wrong. They hurt me. I don't know. It wasn't like this before, but now there's pain, and blackness, and voices.... Maybe if you kill the Nagas, it'll help with the pain part. I can handle the blackness and the voices, I guess.

PC: (accept/decline)

Gwendolin: Kill every (various specific kinds of Nagas) you see in the Bakarma Barracks. We'll see if that works.

PC: "Stay strong, Gwen."
(goes and kills Nagas, returns

Gwendolin: Each of their dying screams was like a blade of agony through my skull. Or, not skull. Whatever I've got instead of a skull. Spirit skull. Whatever.

PC: "But at least they're dead."